I AM SINGING OVER YOU

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Okay, so this happened a little while ago, but I feel it is necessary to share. I was at church and Ruth Fitzpatrick from Bethel in California was speaking. She spoke of her supernatural healing from a disease called ME. One thing she said to me really stuck out...she said, "God didn't heal me because I read my Bible more, because I prayed more, because I sinned less, or even for me to share my testimony to the world...But God healed me because he loved me!" I couldn't believe that maybe God would want to heal me of my trauma issues and ED and past simply because HE LOVED ME! I always thought I went through what I went through in order to help others in their journey. That God would heal me in order to help others. But He revealed to me that night that He wanted to heal me because He loved me, not for any other purpose. WOW! So, I took a huge risk and went up for prayer at the end. Ruth prayed with me and I felt God's presence so immensely. I fell down to the floor to worship Him. She prayed and prophesied into my life and it was dead on. She spoke of me taking back my femininity and my crown and saying goodbye to the trauma and the ED. She then asked me how I felt and what I thought. The only thought that ran through my head was, "Okay I feel okay, but where was God during my sexual abuse as a child?" Ruth said, "let's ask Him." I was like, "oh, actually you have a long line of people waiting and I'm not really worth it..." But she said, "NO, WE ARE GOING TO ASK HIM!" So she says, "Papa God, where were you during Liann's abuse?" and I repeat, "Father God, where were you when I was being abused?" The strangest thing happened. I didn't hear an audible voice, but clearly in my heart I heard something. It was not what I expected, nor what I wanted to hear. Ruth asked what He said and at first I refused to tell her. Then I said I must be making it up because it didn't make any sense. Finally she convinced me to just share it regardless...God said to me, "I was singing over you." I thought this was incredibly cruel...why would the God of the universe be singing over me while I am being forced to give someone oral sex? Ruth said it made total sense, and that Jesus was speaking my identity over me. I agreed (because that is what you are supposed to do with people who are in leadership at church), and left feeling incredibly discouraged. I went to school the next day trying to forget it all and asked God again, where He was during the abuse. He kept saying over and over "I was singing over you, I was singing over you." It was an anthem that I couldn't get out of my head. He led me to Zephaniah 3 where I read the verse that says, "The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." But what I felt more inclined to read was after that verse...in verse 19 it says, "At that time I will deal with all who oppressed you: I will rescue the lame and gather those who have been scattered. I will give them praise and honor in every land where they were put to shame." I couldn't believe it, for the first time in my life, God was speaking JUSTICE into my past. I never felt like God would handle the justification of my abusers sins, but at this point in my life, after reading this, I really felt it! I was floored and amazed. Also a friend later reminded me that oftentimes spiritual warfare is not fought the way we fight in the physical realms. In the spiritual realm, they send angels and worship leaders ahead to worship to fight...God was fighting for me on a spiritual plain while I was fighting physically. I was amazed. God heard me and saw me and loved me. I wrote this poem as a reminder of what God has done in my life that very night.

If I could start over

If I could start over, I wouldn’t try so hard

If I could start over, I wouldn’t play the “sick card”

If I could start over, I would try to be me,

Instead of be someone I wasn’t meant to be.

I would play like the child God created inside

I would run into his arms, in His love I would abide.

I’d walk in the freedom He paved out for me,

I’d run down the path sharing in His victory.

I’d dance out of the chains that He loosed long ago

I’d flee from the prison, and I wouldn’t run slow.

Though I can’t turn back time, I can choose to release

The demons that hold me, and this horrible disease.

Goodbye to this illness, goodbye to all of this pain,

Goodbye to this guilt, goodbye to this shame.

Goodbye to the trauma, goodbye to this addiction,

Goodbye to the bingeing, goodbye to the restriction.

On November 11^th, I said my goodbye

Goodbye to it all, not another lie!

Hello to a future, Hello to my dreams

Celebrating life & that Jesus redeems

Over my life, He’s been singing His song

Rejoicing and fighting, He’s been there all along.

Even through sadness, pain, and abuse

He was singing His song and choosing to loose

The spiritual bondage that was holding me down

I take back my femininity, my beauty, and my crown!

For those of you who know me, I've always (since I was about 10 years old) said that I was going to die on 11/11...while this year I did...I died to my past life and suffering. I was reborn to my hopes and dreams. I didn't realize the date until the next day. :) God is so good and continuing to loose me from many things. I am in process of still taking back my femininity, but I feel like I have made huge strides with the help of Jesus! He is singing over me!!!!!

P.S. Heard the song "how sweet the sound" by citizen way, like two weeks later during a hard time and was totally encouraged. Lyrics say...

Yea, though I walk through the valley

I know that You are always right beside me
And I will fear no evil
You’re my rock and my strength
You comfort me

(Chorus)
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
I hear You singing over me
I once was lost but now I’m found
And it’s beautiful
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
It covers every part of me
My soul is silent, I am found
And it’s a beautiful sound
It’s a beautiful, beautiful sound

(Verse)
Carry me through the waters
Where Your peaks clears away all my sorrow
Nothing can separate us
From Your love, oh Your love
It will always be

(Chorus)
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
I hear You singing over me
I once was lost but now I’m found
And it’s beautiful
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
It covers every part of me
My soul is silent, I am found
And it’s a beautiful sound
It’s a beautiful, beautiful sound

(Bridge x2)
You were healing in the pain
You were shelter in the storm
Hallelujah, you restored my soul

(Chorus)
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
I hear You singing over me
I once was lost but now I’m found…
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
It covers every part of me
My soul is silent, I am found
And it’s a beautiful sound
A beautiful, beautiful sound

A beautiful, beautiful sound
(You were healing in the pain
You were shelter in the storm
Hallelujah, you restored my soul)
A beautiful, beautiful sound