"Dead Without God" (My Story)

“Dead without God”

A healthy child, growing through the years.

Climbing on the jungle gym, facing all her fears.

Swimming at the beach, eating all her meals,

Pretending with her friends, riding her big wheels.

Running at the park, trotting in the rain,

Didn’t know the future, didn’t feel much pain.

Until it happened…6 years of age, an event that prompted all.

9 and 10 years old…abuse that took so much. She put up her wall.

Her body suffered.

Her heart began to ache. Her spirit began to cry.

Her soul began to weep. Her being began to die.

At 11 years of age, her eating disorder began

She restricted all her food and exercised and ran.

She felt dirty and unworthy, held feelings on the inside,

She tried to disappear, avoided things and lied.

At 14 years of age, a God who understands,

Is introduced to her, a God who holds her hand

This agape love she felt, she’d never felt before

She felt Jesus on her heart and she opened up the door.

But still she fought the battle of feelings and of pain,

She suffered with the guilt of sadness and of shame.

Addiction and Restriction, almost took her life away,

Until she went to treatment and God gave her a chance to say,

“I need you and I surrender all this baggage, I give my fear”

She heard the still small voice of God whispering in her ear:

“You are blameless, you are whole, you are clean, you are pure,

You are my precious daughter, woman of strength of this I’m sure.”

At 19 years again abuse occurs, it reinforces, reinstates.

It burdens her. It deepens wounds. It pressures her. It manipulates.

She relapses and once again for all to see, she digs her grave.

But soon enough, she realizes the Father’s heart is there to save.

She gives control to the loving Father so He can mold her heart.

He softens it, replaces it, and gives her a new start.

As she walks out her journey to become the “one redeemed”

He helps her to remember the things that she has dreamed

She’s seeking her desires as He fulfills them one by one

Her God, He is a healing God who sent His only Son.

He is a God of justice, singing His songs over her,

He bore a lot on that cross so that she could endure,

The trials and the pain of a life lived on this earth

He wants her to feel the value of her complete worth.

She’s walking by His side right now as He holds her hand,

She’s celebrating victories and is taking back her land,

Sometimes she cries and struggles, but that doesn’t mean she’s done

All it means is sin is real but the battle will be won.