2020 God’s Promise of RELEASE

Every December I spend some time in prayer to ask God what He has for me for the upcoming year. I ask for a word or promise to hold onto for the next year. Sometimes I get a word right away and it is clearly from the Lord. Other times I think it may be my own thought or something I am hoping for. Either way, God has used these words and honored them. Here are my words for the last few years:

2017 ASSURANCE—a positive declaration intended to give confidence; a promise
2018 CONNECT
2019 STAY

In 2017, I changed jobs and my confidence in God (ASSURANCE) grew as He continued to fulfill promises to me of healing and health. In 2018, God fulfilled His word to me by fostering deeper CONNECTION and intimacy in the community I am in, guiding me in empathy and compassion to CONNECT with clients at both my jobs, and leading me to start dating and CONNECT to my current husband! In 2019, I entered the year an anxious mess. I didn’t know how to do this whole relationship thing, never mind do it well. I also didn’t know how to sit in my feelings without pushing them away. My word was STAY and it sounded super challenging. God was calling me to STAY in relationship with Corey instead of running when things were scary and hard. He was calling me to STAY in my feelings instead of running from them and shutting them down with coping skills. He was calling me to STAY present in both my jobs through the challenges and to continue to hope for kiddos that most others declare as hopeless. I can’t say that I did it perfectly, but what I can say is that I feel more now than I have in over a decade (back to my sensitive, compassionate spirit), I declare hope over my kids and advocate on their behalf (even standing up to other agencies when they refuse to help), and I am now fricken MARRIED to my wonderful, amazing husband!!!!! I chose to STAY when it was really hard for me and with God’s help, I was able to do it!

This year, as we enter a new decade, I feel God’s word to me to be RELEASE. Though I have worked through a lot in the past decade, I still strive to control situations, people, myself, numbers, and still at times my emotions. I am still fearful of punishment and have an intense need to please others. I want to follow the rules out of fear of punishment and disappointing others. God is calling me to RELEASE all of this. When I ask God what I need to do and what the plan is in order to truly RELEASE, I feel Him tell me to rest, have grace upon grace for myself (John 1:16), and trust Him daily because it’s not my job to fulfill my word and promise from Him, it’s His job. So today, as I prepare for this new year 2020, I choose to RELEASE control to my good and perfect Heavenly Father and trust and rest and see what He does! ❤️

Romans 7:6
“But now we are RELEASED from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve in the new way of the spirit and not in the old way of the written code.”

Santa's Elves

So, yesterday my mom was asking me to look on overstock.com to find some bedspreads that I might want for Christmas. I got online and made a wish list. I sent it to my mom today. I added some boots and perfume that I wanted as well. :) We text a little back and forth and here's how the conversation went...

Mom: I'm confused. How do you sleep under perfume or boots?
Me: It's very easy ;)
Mom: LOL, we are having a little Christmas. I like the first and third comforter. Which do you like better?
Mom: Little like not a lot of gifts.
Me: Oh I thought you meant "tiny gifts" haha jk
Mom: ha ha ha ho ho ho.
Me: Yah, I guess I'll just have to ask Santa for the rest.
Me: He always brings lots of gifts.
Mom: Santa has gone on vacation this year and the elves have the flu
Me: Santa told me he got them all flu shots!!!
Mom: Nope, I talked to them this morning.
Mom: Really it is going to be little. I don't want you to be disappointed.
Mom: Remember what Christmas is about.
Me: Oh, thanks. The Christian guilt trip. Haha!
Mom: Yep, I'm good at guilt.

So later as I am looking online I found this shocking newspaper article:

So, I quickly sent the article to my mom online and called her to hear her reaction. She was flabbergasted! She couldn't believe that article actually came out this morning! --p.s. i found a newspaper generator to create the article...she couldn't figure it out for the longest time. I was DYING I was laughing so hard! Anyways, hope you enjoyed it. :)

"It is for freedom that Christ set me free"

It is for freedom that Christ has set me free.

I will not return to my life of slavery.

He broke the chains that held me down so long

He’s covered every sin and every wrong

I run from prison and seek His joy and prize

I will fall down many times just to rise.

In Him I find my peace and my hope.

I will use His sword of Truth in my life to cope.

I am freed from the pain of sin and death

From the ground He formed with just a single breath

Now I breathe in His Presence as I wait

I breathe out all the darkness, death, and hate.

Satan attempts to bring me down each day

But I know the Truth, the Light, the Way.

Jesus remains my true victory

I will thank Him for paying the final fee.

He died on that cross and called me by my name

I now release my anger, pain, and shame.

Amen.

4 years--God Redeems

I just realized the other day that just about every four years something significant occurs in my life.

It started when I was 3.
At 3 years old I have my first memory of being put into a sled on the back of a snowmobile due to an injury while skiing...I thought I was dead because they covered me over with a blanket and strapped me in. It was terrifying.

At age 7, I experienced my first trauma.

At age 11, my eating disorder began and I started starving myself and exercising obsessively to try and lose weight. ---->

At age 15, I admitted to having an eating disorder and began therapy for anxiety and depression.

At age 19, I failed out of IOP and I entered Lotus House (now Selah House) at my first residential eating disorder facility. This saved my life.

At age 23, after relapsing, I entered my second eating disorder residential facility of Magnolia Creek. ------>

And NOW, currently, at age 27, I have been set free from the burden of all of these plagues. I have began to trust God fully and let go of the eating disorder, trauma, and memories. God is the great redeemer of life and I am a PRISONER OF HOPE because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. (Zechariah 9).

Please remember that through these difficult times, there has been much joy and celebration as well. I have experienced times of pain, yes, but I have also experienced times of great rejoicing through my relationships with others. Thank you to all of you who have been influential in my recovery process and throughout my life. I love you all dearly!

New Poem...no title yet...

I can't think of a title for this new poem I wrote. Usually it is very simple for me to pick a title...but this one was more difficult for me. Anyways, here's what I wrote:

Confronting in love, while casting out fear;
Speaking the Truth for people to hear.
Hoping for freedom, and yearning for peace;
Prayers for the healing of every disease.
Disorders diminished, lame men can walk;
We are the broken, to Jesus we flock.
Knitted together, from the inside out;
An absence of pain, and an absence of doubt.
Faith is the place where we will find rest;
Letting Him hold us upon His sweet breast.
In safety we wait for fulfillment to start;
As God holds us close, very near to His heart.

"Dead Without God" (My Story)

“Dead without God”

A healthy child, growing through the years.

Climbing on the jungle gym, facing all her fears.

Swimming at the beach, eating all her meals,

Pretending with her friends, riding her big wheels.

Running at the park, trotting in the rain,

Didn’t know the future, didn’t feel much pain.

Until it happened…6 years of age, an event that prompted all.

9 and 10 years old…abuse that took so much. She put up her wall.

Her body suffered.

Her heart began to ache. Her spirit began to cry.

Her soul began to weep. Her being began to die.

At 11 years of age, her eating disorder began

She restricted all her food and exercised and ran.

She felt dirty and unworthy, held feelings on the inside,

She tried to disappear, avoided things and lied.

At 14 years of age, a God who understands,

Is introduced to her, a God who holds her hand

This agape love she felt, she’d never felt before

She felt Jesus on her heart and she opened up the door.

But still she fought the battle of feelings and of pain,

She suffered with the guilt of sadness and of shame.

Addiction and Restriction, almost took her life away,

Until she went to treatment and God gave her a chance to say,

“I need you and I surrender all this baggage, I give my fear”

She heard the still small voice of God whispering in her ear:

“You are blameless, you are whole, you are clean, you are pure,

You are my precious daughter, woman of strength of this I’m sure.”

At 19 years again abuse occurs, it reinforces, reinstates.

It burdens her. It deepens wounds. It pressures her. It manipulates.

She relapses and once again for all to see, she digs her grave.

But soon enough, she realizes the Father’s heart is there to save.

She gives control to the loving Father so He can mold her heart.

He softens it, replaces it, and gives her a new start.

As she walks out her journey to become the “one redeemed”

He helps her to remember the things that she has dreamed

She’s seeking her desires as He fulfills them one by one

Her God, He is a healing God who sent His only Son.

He is a God of justice, singing His songs over her,

He bore a lot on that cross so that she could endure,

The trials and the pain of a life lived on this earth

He wants her to feel the value of her complete worth.

She’s walking by His side right now as He holds her hand,

She’s celebrating victories and is taking back her land,

Sometimes she cries and struggles, but that doesn’t mean she’s done

All it means is sin is real but the battle will be won.

How God Sees Me (Love from God)

I was told by one of my friends to write how God views me after writing how I view myself through my own eyes through the lens of an eating disorder. After simply asking God to take control and letting my fingers type, this is what came out. I am in awe and amazed at how much the Lord of the Universe loves me and how easily I could hear from Him tonight! Thank You Jesus!!!!

About Liann...From: God

She is my child. My beautiful child. She is mine. I have her name written in my book. I created her beautifully, and beautiful is what she is. I do not make mistakes. I know she thinks she has failed, but her mistakes are not too big for my grace. I love her more than words can describe. She has made me proud. I have been singing my songs over her. I have redeemed her life. Physically, what I see when I look at my beautiful daughter is this:

Bright blue eyes, filled with compassion and wonder. A beautiful face that expresses emotion freely. Arms that are created to hug others. Hips created to hold children. Strong legs to endure the days I have created her to walk and run and skip here on earth. A midsection holding in all of her organs, so that they can function properly. Fingernails and toenails to decorate for fun and joy. A perfect height to one day fit perfectly in not only her loving husband’s arms but to fit in her loving Father’s arms, My arms, My hands. I breathed life into her being when she was young, and I will take it when she is old, and her body will one day decay…but I created a beautiful body for this earth in order for my child, Liann to function and enjoy.

When I see my daughter’s actions, this is what I see:

I see love. I see compassion. I see hard work and striving, though it is not necessary at times. I see a child, a woman, seeking after my heart. Sometimes I see anger, and sadness and pain, and jealousy and bitterness, and pride and sin. But beyond all of that I see righteousness. I see a bride. I see an attitude of kindness and a spirit of humility. I see my adoration. I see joy and peace. I see an overcomer. I see strength. I see MY CHILD, the one I created! I see her fully!

Liann, you are mine and I want you to know that I love you. Remember this when you are striving to please me. Remember this when you are striving for perfection. Remember this through your struggles and pain. You were created by me and there is no one, including yourself, that can lie to you and tell you that you are anything but beautiful. Listen to my words and hear me and remember that I see and hear you and know your heart’s desires and will fulfill them, because I am a good God, abounding in love and justice. I love you Liann.